How to Stand Up For Yourself (without being RUDE).
Life is challenging enough without toxic relationships. If someone constantly undermines your self-worth with jabs or negativity, consider if their presence is worth the toll it takes on you. Remember, you deserve to feel special, confident, and free every day.
Have you ever found yourself mumbling through a response, afraid to stand up for yourself because you didn’t want to come off as rude or cause a scene? I know I have. Back when I lived in Hawaii, I went to an organic café and asked for a Diet Coke. The server, with a sarcastic tone, replied, “Oh, we have some toxic cleaner in the back; I can bring that out for you.” I was shocked by her rudeness, I mumbled something to diffuse the situation, but inside, I felt completely shut down. How many times have we all defused situations just to keep the peace, only to regret it later?
Maybe you've been there too, verbally attacked, handed a backhanded compliment, or on the receiving end of a thinly veiled jab. These moments might trigger your fight-or-flight response, leaving you scrambling for words just to end the interaction. Later, you think of what you wish you had said, frustrated for not standing up for yourself.
Today, I want to share three strategies to help you stand up for yourself without being rude or escalating the situation:
Use Feeling Messages. When someone crosses a line, speak up by sharing how their words made you feel. Instead of deflecting or making excuses, simply say, “I feel…” statements. This approach can disarm the other person, letting them know their comment had an impact without making them defensive. For example, “I feel belittled when you compare me to others,” or “I feel hurt by what you said.” Expressing feelings with honesty helps them see you as a person with emotions, not just someone they can talk at.
Ask, “What do you need?” When someone is coming at you with anger or frustration, try to uncover the underlying need driving that behavior. Anger often masks unmet expectations, and by asking, “What do you need?” you help them shift from anger to their deeper feelings. This can instantly diffuse tension, whether it's a heated exchange with a loved one or an uncomfortable interaction with a stranger. Their answer might surprise you—and in that moment, it can shift the entire interaction toward understanding.
Suggest Talking Later. If neither of these strategies works, or if the situation feels too heated, say, “Let’s talk about this later.” If someone continues to berate or disrespect you, it’s okay to walk away. Don’t stay in situations that make you feel unsafe, verbally or emotionally. Politely, but firmly, let them know you’re willing to discuss the issue when both of you can do so respectfully.
Life is challenging enough without toxic relationships. If someone constantly undermines your self-worth with jabs or negativity, consider if their presence is worth the toll it takes on you. Remember, you deserve to feel special, confident, and free every day. For those of you who tend to diffuse conflict out of habit, consider checking out my video on overcoming people-pleasing to build healthy relationships. Standing up for yourself takes practice, but it’s one of the best investments you can make for a happier, healthier life.
If you're interested in watching the full video on this, click the link below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlR46o-TGYs